


Sunday Dinner

by HanukoYoukai



Series: Welcome to Fatherhood, Happy Hogan [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: A little sappy, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers don't know Peter is Spider-Man, But just a little, F/M, Gen, Happy and May are dating, Happy doesn't know Peter is Spider-Man, Happy's POV, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Identity Reveal, Not exactly Tony friendly but not Tony unfriendly, Secret Identity, Tags are getting away from me, Tony doesn't know Peter is Spider-Man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 06:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanukoYoukai/pseuds/HanukoYoukai
Summary: Happy did not care for picnics (Ants? No thank you), so after coordinating schedules he and May had decided on dinner for Sunday that week. They would come to his place in Manhattan, he would cook for May and Peter (because he was polite, and he discovered that May—couldn’t), and then they would… bond. With boardgames or something. The plan was straight and simple, and essentially foolproof.Naturally, Tony had to throw a wrench in it.





	Sunday Dinner

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kopytko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kopytko/gifts).



> Response to this Prompt from [Kopytko.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kopytko/pseuds/Kopytko)
> 
> _Happy has been dating May for 5 months when he meets her nephew. Then he invites the Parkers on a Sunday dinner, which got interrupted. By his boss. What else can go wrong?_
> 
> For full prompt, please go [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19587625?view_adult=true)
> 
> Mini warning: Tony is not exactly MCU Tony. Or rather, he's more Iron Man/Iron Man 2 Tony. His character is based more on his personality from the comics. And also because this is an AU, he does not have the same relationship with Peter as he did in the movies. I want to say that now in case people will be bothered by that. 
> 
> For those of you reading [Omertà,](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19810759/chapters/46906381) the next chapter may be delayed. I got distracted by this one. Sorry!
> 
> I hope this is satisfactory. :-)

Happy Hogan was many things. Strong, loyal, compassionate—but one thing he prided himself on was his punctuality. Which was why the only thing on his mind was that he was late. He was late, late, _late_ and all he could think about was the fact that Tony was an arrogant ass for demoting him to errand boy today. Tony knew Happy had about 10 deadlines—all due today—for several projects he had going _for_ Tony with his new position in Asset Management, but the man still sent him to this God-awful, hot, tiny coffee shop to stand in line with hipsters and college students and _that girl is actually smoking meth in the corner right now, good God, Tony!_ And for what? To get him some weird, fancy, vegan-bacon latte that was all the rage, even though both he and Happy knew that the billionaire would take one sip, make some joke about how if there’s meat product, it ain’t vegan, refined bacon dust or no, and tell him it was terrible. Yet, Happy was still here, sweating in this horrible, gross, hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, waiting in line to get his boss the latest fad. At least there were only two people in front of him now.

After he placed his order he waited by the pick-up counter, drumming his fingers impatiently against it. Finally, the barista called his name, and he snatched the latte quickly, swinging around to book it out of the terrible establishment. Unfortunately, he was moving so fast that he bumped into a woman behind him, causing them both to drop their drinks. His instincts made him snatch the closest cup to him out of the air, and when a clear-ish liquid seeped out of the top to burn his hand, he realized it _wasn’t_ his boss’s latte.

“Shit!” the woman cursed, wrapping her fingers around his now burnt hand, pulling it and the cup toward her. She pulled the cup from his hand and put it in his free one, then examined the burn. “Oh my God, I’m so, _so_ sorry!” she said, turning his hand back and forth. Happy opened his mouth to let this woman have it—he was a New Yorker now, damn it—but when she lifted her face, he was struck dumb.

In front of him was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. Her deep brown eyes peered at him through gold-wire frames. Her dark hair was tied up in a messy bun, but Happy could see how thick it was and wondered how heavy it must feel, piled on top of her head. Her tan skin glowed, even in the dismal lighting of the coffee shop, and her petite mouth was turned down in a worried frown. If she wore make-up, dear God, she knew how to apply it, because it was subtle as hell. Happy looked at her petite, manicured hands wrapped around his own before he glanced back up to her eyes and cleared his throat.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, pulling her hands away as a pretty blush rose to her cheeks. Happy wordlessly handed her the drink he managed to save—some kind of tea was his guess. “Thank you,” she said softly, giving him a bashful smile.

“It’s—it’s no problem. You’re welcome,” he said, breathlessly. At their feet, Tony’s latte spread across the floor and a snot-nosed, juvenile, acne-riddled barista came around the counter to shoot them a nasty glare before shooing them away so he could clean it up. Happy wrapped his fingers around the woman’s elbow and gently tugged her away from the mess. “I’m Happy. Happy Hogan. I mean, actually my name is Harold, but, uh, people call me Happy.” _Smooth, Happy._

The woman laughed and held her hand out for him to shake. He grasped it and shook it lightly, surprised by her firm grip. “May Parker. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Happy.” She was shaking his hand with her left, so he glanced—how could he not—and was extremely glad he didn’t see a ring. “I’m so sorry about your coffee, though,” she said, eyeing the line behind them. It stretched to the door, and the baristas were anything but quick in this establishment. She frowned, and Happy found that he never wanted to see that expression on her face again, if he could help it.

“It’s alright. It was a vegan-bacon latte—it was probably terrible,” he said, grasping onto the concept of sour grapes and running with it. May smirked and raised an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t think it’s vegan if it has bacon in it,” she said, eyes twinkling as brightly as the frames of her glasses. Happy nearly swooned.

“That’s what I said!” he exclaimed, throwing up his free hand, the other still wrapped around hers. They looked down at their hands and let go of each other, albeit reluctantly on Happy’s side.

“Then why did you order it?” she asked, bemused, still smiling a little.

“It’s not for me!” Happy grumbled, rubbing a hand over his hair to smooth it down. “It’s for my boss. He’s… eccentric. And he and I both _knew_ he wouldn’t like this fake-ass, not vegan, bacon-esque latte, but he sent me down here to get it anyway. Probably to punish me for something I have yet to do.” May giggled, pressing her hand to her mouth to hide it. Happy felt heat rising to his cheeks and cleared his throat. “But, if I got to meet you because of it, then I have to say I think it’s worth it.”

The blush returned to May’s cheeks, and she looked away, clearing her throat as well.

“That was really forward of me,” Happy said, shocked by his outburst. “I’m sorry, I don’t ever—”

“It’s okay!” May said, waving him off. She gave him the same shy smile from earlier. “I’m flattered, really.”

“Then I’m doing something wrong, ma’am, because I don’t flatter. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say,” Happy said in his grumpy fashion. He hated it when people laved those compliments on Tony and Pepper, day-in and day-out like no one could see through them. May must have liked what she heard because the shy smile turned into an outright grin. She reached into her bag and pulled out a pen.

“Give me your hand.” Happy acquiesced and let her manipulate his hand until it was palm up. She wrote something down on his palm, then smiled again, bright and cheerful. “I hope I’ll be seeing you around, Happy Hogan,” she said as she sashayed out of the shop.

“Me too, May Parker,” Happy called after her. She turned and winked before disappearing out the door. Happy looked down at his hand to see 10 digits written across it with a smiley face and a note that said, “call me!” He felt the corners of his mouth raise as high as they could. It took him a second to realize he was grinning.

So much for his nickname.

When Happy appeared in Tony’s workshop with a plain black coffee from the receptionist, Tony merely raised an eyebrow at it before returning his attention to the holographic screen in front of him. Happy cocked his head to the side as he saw a video of some guy wearing sweatpants and a mask swing from a roof to the sidewalk to knock out a carjacker.

“Huh,” he said, furrowing his brow.

Tony turned to look at him and shrugged. “I think I like him,” he said, small smirk forming in the corner of his mouth. “He really needs some tech, though.”

Happy merely nodded in agreement.

* * *

Dating May Parker was something else. Part of Happy was shocked that he could go anywhere with this beautiful woman on his arm. He was surprised that she not only seemed to tolerate his overall grumpy demeanor, but found it charming—her words, not his. Apparently, his gruffness, no-nonsense attitude, and love of red meat were all positive checkmarks on her list, and on their dates, she smiled and laughed like an angel who walked the earth to remind humanity of heaven.

God, he was a sap. A sappy sap filled with sappiness.

When they were together, she was carefree, but that wasn’t going to last forever. Happy was upfront with his baggage. He knew how off-putting it could be to find out you’re dating someone who works as a glorified chauffer for Tony Stark. May took it in stride. She didn’t suddenly cozy up to him, and she didn’t hold him at arm’s length. All she said was that Iron Man was her nephew’s favorite superhero, what a small world, then got right back to the meal.

However, May seemed reluctant to share some of the more personal things in her life, but after dating for a month, when he invited her back to his for dinner and drinks, she chose to open up. Happy learned that she was a widow. Her husband was shot during an armed robbery, and she tearfully told Happy the story of a home invasion, how her husband died, and how she had to relocate to a new apartment because she couldn’t stay in a place where she couldn’t properly get the bloodstains out of the carpet.

“Actually, we just settled in when you and I met,” she said, getting herself together. “I thought it was kismet, meeting you right after we got our fresh start, and you were so sweet I couldn’t say no.”

Happy pondered her words. “We?”

May took a sip of her wine before setting it down. “Me and Peter. My nephew? I’m sure I mentioned him.”

And she had. Several times. A lot of her stories were about how smart and sweet her nephew was, as well as how trying he could be. Happy never connected the dots that they lived together, though. He cleared his throat a little. “Oh, right,” he murmured. “I guess I didn’t realize you had custody of him.”

She hummed in thought, took another sip of wine, then explained the circumstances that resulted in her nephew coming to live with her. Happy was amazed. How this woman could suffer so much tragedy in her life, but still light up the room with an effervescent smile was beyond him. She sighed, running her fingers over the rim of her glass as she stared contemplatively at the red liquid within. “I worry about him. He was such a good boy, but since Ben passed,” she trailed off and shook her head. Happy placed a hand on her knee and rubbed soothing circles into her skin with his thumb. “He sneaks out, he doesn’t sleep, he _lies_ to me,” she sniffed sharply and Happy could see a wet sheen to her eyes. “And he’s been fighting. He comes home with bruises, and he gives me some bullshit excuse like he ran into a door or tripped down some stairs. The other day he told me he fell off his skateboard, but I know for a fact he hasn’t ridden on that thing since he was in middle school!”

“He’s a kid. When I was that age, you couldn’t keep me out of a fight.”

“Peter’s not like that, Happy. He’s always been a good boy, and he’s never liked fighting,” May sighed. “I just don’t know what’s going on with him.”

Happy nodded. “Have you asked him?”

“Of course I have,” she scoffed.

“Yeah, but did you actually lay it out for him? Especially the part about knowing that he’s lying?”

May shook her head. “He’s grieving. I don’t want to push him too hard.”

“Maybe he’s waiting for a push to know you’re there.” May stared at him, eyes narrowed. Her mouth opened slightly to deliver an angry retort, but Happy cut her off. “I mean, kids don’t just fight for no reason. When I was younger there was a lot of stuff going on in my house—money was tight, Ma was out working all the time, Dad wasn’t around and when he was, he was drunk—I tended to get into fights on the street. It was an outlet,” he frowned and rubbed his face. “I know the situations are different, but there are some similarities. You work a lot, you’ve got a new financial hurdle you have to deal with, and he has to deal with it too. I think if Ma had sat me down and told me if she knew what I was up to, I would have stopped doing it. I never wanted to hurt her. I don’t think your kid wants to hurt you either, but if he doesn’t even know that you know….” he trailed off.

May’s mouth twisted into a little grimace for a moment. “Maybe,” she allowed, taking another sip of wine. Happy shrugged a little and let May turn the conversation to lighter subjects.

* * *

Happy startled awake at the sound of May cursing. He rubbed his eyes, squinting into the dull, grey morning light peeking through the curtains of his bedroom. He grumbled as he sat up, watching May digging through her purse, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

Something had happened between May and her nephew, and May attributed it to Happy’s advice. Apparently, Peter did need some type of tough-love, honest conversation, because suddenly he was doing great.

_“Really, Happy, it’s wonderful. His grades are picking back up, he’s been doing his chores, he’s been doing community work after school—the other day he even had a friend over! It was the first time I’ve gotten to see him and Ned hang out since Ben passed,” she told him over dinner with a grin. Happy smiled back, nodding along with the news, glad that things were turning around._

Things had been progressing rather well for their relationship, too. May finally decided she could stay the night.

She hadn’t wanted Happy to come over to her apartment while Peter was there, since she hadn’t introduced them, and she didn’t want to throw any untried elements to their household yet. Happy was glad for this. He wanted to be there for the long-haul, but he wasn’t prepared to meet a fifteen-year-old kid who had managed to lose _two_ Fathers. Happy was rough around the edges, and Peter sounded like a cross between a puppy and a little, adolescent shit. It didn’t seem like a good mix. He was glad to wait until May deemed them all ready for the change.

However, she didn’t want to stay at his place, either. They were definitely intimate with each other. They were both healthy, active adults with no qualms over _that,_ but she didn’t stay. She always went home after, so she could be with her kid. Happy didn’t understand why she couldn’t let him stay at home by himself for one night—he was a teenager, not an infant—but he wasn’t a parent, so who was he to say. He decided to adopt the motto, “May knows best,” which his lady seemed to adore.

Tonight was different. Tonight, Peter was going to stay at his best friend’s house—something about a Star Wars marathon for the new anthology that was coming out—which freed up May’s evening. Happy was so giddy even Tony noticed a change in his attitude, but despite the fact that his boss would not stop teasing him, Happy was overjoyed at the prospect of waking up next the woman he lo—very much admired.

Besides, Tony was pretty distracted by the Spider. He had managed to snag some of the guy’s webbing and was blown away by the composition.

_“Happy, the tensile strength of this stuff if off the charts!”_

_“Sure, boss.”_

_“I wonder if he makes it. Oh, what if he produces it! Like a real spider? Actually, no. Never mind. That was gross. I hope he doesn’t produce it.”_

_“You and me both, sir.”_

So he was a bit disappointed to see her awake so early, already grabbing her things. He sighed a little, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. She turned back to look at him and graced him with a soft smile.

“Sorry, hon, I was just checking to see if Peter called me,” she whispered, setting her purse down on the nightstand, “but my phone died. It’s still early though, and Peter probably won’t leave Ned’s until noon, maybe later.” After a bit of rummaging she snuggled back under the covers next to him, sighing contentedly. Happy smiled and breathed her scent as she tucked her head under his chin. They rested together in the quiet of the morning, and Happy felt himself slowly drifting off. An hour later the sun really started shining through the cracks in the curtain, and Happy could delay no longer. He sat up in bed and rubbed his face, and May blinked her eyes open at the movement.

After some more snuggling, showers, and breakfast, Happy drove May back to her apartment in Queens. He walked her to her door, and politely accepted her invitation to come in for coffee. He specifically asked for this day off, and Tony was perfectly happy to not need his bodyguard and chauffer today.

Happy shut the door behind him as May threw her keys and purse on the table, the noise jarring in the empty apartment. Happy winced a little, then spun around when he heard an alarmed gasp. A boy in blue pajama pants and a grey NASA tee-shirt was rising off the couch, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head.

“May?” his voice was tight and hoarse, and his eyes were a little red, as if he had been crying.

“Peter? Honey, what are you doing here? I thought you were at Ned’s!” May exclaimed, leaving Happy by the door and moving toward her nephew. Peter’s hands went to the hem of his shirt, and he briefly grasped the cloth before responding as Happy moved to join them.

“He—uh—he got sick, so we had to cancel.”

May cocked her head at him, placing her hand on his forehead. “Sweetheart, you look terrible. Are you sick, too?”

Happy took in the scene before him. On the couch there was a rumpled, soft blue blanket. The coffee table was covered in papers and textbooks, and at the edge near the blanket was a cell phone, screen still lit with a police-scanner app for their local precinct. The television was on mute, playing the morning news—It looked like the Spider had been very active in both Queens and Brooklyn last night. The boy in front of him had red-rimmed eyes and a blotchy face, and if Happy looked closely enough he could see red marks near his eyes where the boy had been rubbing his face. Suddenly, the kid pulled May into a hug and buried his head into her shoulder. She returned the hug, and Happy could tell she was rubbing his back in a soothing way.

“You’re okay,” Happy barely caught the mumble, since Peter’s face was pressed against her sweater. He came a little closer to the pair, wondering if he should interject at all.

“Of course I am, sweetheart! Why wouldn’t I be?” May laughed, still holding her nephew to her.

“You d-d-didn’t answer your phone when I called you, and when I c-c-called the hospital they said you left on time,” the boy stuttered, hands shaking slightly against the woman’s back. May pulled back and grabbed her nephew’s shoulders to push him back and look him in the eye. His eyes were wet, and new tears were starting to form. “W-w-where w-w-were you?”

Jesus, Happy didn’t think the kid would react this badly to being alone for a night. Maybe May had the right idea when she said she shouldn’t leave him. It was surprising to see the kid this worried, though. Maybe he didn’t trust Happy enough to keep his aunt safe, or something.

“Oh, no, Peter my phone died. I’m so sorry. I was with Happy last night,” May said, dismayed. Peter’s eyebrows furrowed, and he stepped away, rubbing at his eyes again.

“Oh, okay. It’s okay,” he said, sniffling a little, trying to regain his composure.

“Honey.”

“No, no, it’s fine, May,” he let out a watery chuckle grabbing the back of his neck. “I just, uh, wish you would have told me that you were gonna be there, you know?”

_Oh._

_Oh, God._

Happy shook his head a little. _Of course_ the kid was worried. His parents disappeared, then his uncle got shot—May was all he had left. It was natural for him to worry about her as much as she worried about him. So when he came home, expecting his aunt there, only to find she was—for all intents and purposes—missing, he assumed the worst. Because the worst seemed to be what happened with their slowly dwindling family.

_Jesus._

“I know, honey. I know, I just didn’t think I’d need to because you were at Ned’s, and then my phone died so I couldn’t answer. I’m so sorry. I just didn’t want you to feel awkward about me going to Happy’s for—uh—Netflixing and chilling, I guess,” Happy slowly turned his head to her, perplexed as he took in her pretty blush. When he turned back to the kid, the other brow shot up when he saw how red his face was. He looked mortified. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No! Nope, I’m good,” he started to babble, holding out his hands a little helplessly.

May laughed a little. “Peter, it’s perfectly natural. Everyone has urges and needs, and acting on them—”

_Ah._

“May!” the boy was clearly uncomfortable where this topic of conversation went. Happy didn’t blame him, feeling heat rise up his neck. Suddenly, several things he loved about May—her humor, her naturalism, her overall bluntness—were somewhat horrifying. He couldn’t imagine having a conversation like that with his Ma. Happy came fully into the room, and the other two stopped abruptly, as though they just realized he was there.

May waited a beat before gesturing towards Peter. “Happy, this is my nephew,” she said. Happy held out his hand, and Peter grasped it, giving a firm handshake, despite the trembling of his fingers that had not quite dissipated.

“Hi, Mr. Happy. I’m Peter. Peter Parker,” he said, small smile forming on his face—an odd contrast to his bloodshot eyes. “I’ve heard a lot about you, so it’s nice to finally meet you.”

This kid was too polite. Happy wasn’t sure if he should be impressed or wary. “Hey, Peter. Nice to meet you, too.” After they let go, Peter’s hands fell to his sides, and he rocked a little on the balls of his feet. Happy stood still, excepting a glance he threw May’s way. May looked between them with a small smile.

“Coffee?” she asked. They both nodded. “Great! I’ll put on a pot,” she started walking back toward the kitchen. “This isn’t how I wanted you two to meet, but it had to happen sometime…” she trailed off, chattering on about the two of them as she pulled out some coffee grounds from a cupboard. Happy looked at Peter very seriously, watching the boy rub the corner of his red eyes again, not letting his aunt out of his sight. He looked like he wanted to follow her into the other room and cling to her. Clearly, he was not as okay as he was saying.

This couldn’t happen again.

“Hey, kid?” Peter snapped his attention back to Happy with raised eyebrows. Happy pulled out his phone. “Give me your number.”

“Huh?”

“What’s your phone number? I’ll put it in my phone, then I’ll text you, so you have mine.” Peter stared at happy in bemusement. Happy shook his head. “Look, we both care about your aunt, and we both worry about her, right? This way we can contact each other if she’s not where one of us expected her to be, right?” Peter smiled again a little, nodding slightly.

Happy sighed. He hoped he knew what he was getting into.

* * *

Peter was very respectful in his use of Happy’s number. In the months that the boy had it in his possession, he only texted Happy once, and that was to see if May was with him (she was. They had an impromptu date when he surprised her at the hospital, and her phone died _again_ ). Otherwise, he kept himself to himself. He didn’t even ask any questions about Tony (which May said was difficult for him. The man was his absolute hero). May had decided to let them go at their own pace to get to know each other, which Happy appreciated.

Once they hit five months, Happy decided it was time to start doing the family thing. He loved May. He knew it, but he couldn’t say it until he really integrated her into his life, and him into hers. That meant properly interacting with Peter. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to go about it. How do you bond with a teenager? Was it better to dive in, or tread lightly? It wasn’t like there was a self-help book about deepening your relationship with a widow who was the sole guardian of her teenage nephew, who already lost three parental figures.

Rhodey had the best advice for the situation.

_“Look, man. You like this woman and you want to see how you and her kid can get along, right?” Happy nodded as Rhodey shuffled through paperwork at his desk. A black and white photo of the Spider taken from a surveillance camera was tucked away into a folder. “I say keep it simple, then. You don’t need to take everyone to Coney Island or anything. Start with a picnic in the park, or a family dinner or something.”_

Happy did not care for picnics (Ants? No thank you), so after coordinating schedules he and May had decided on dinner for Sunday that week. They would come to his place in Manhattan, he would cook for them (because he was polite, and he discovered that May—couldn’t), and then they would… bond. With boardgames or something. The plan was straight and simple, and essentially foolproof.

Naturally, Tony had to throw a wrench in it.

He had been trying to get Happy to talk about his new girlfriend for months, but Happy remained silent on the subject, no intention of giving Tony any more ammo to tease him with. He loved the man like a brother, but Jesus Christ, he was unbearable sometimes. A small part of Happy couldn’t blame Tony for what he had done.

A very, _very_ small part.

“Tony?” Happy asked, walking into the kitchen at the compound where Tony was stirring something into his coffee.

“Yeah, Hap?”

“The funniest thing happened,” Happy began, stalking toward the kitchen island. Tony turned to look at him, a sly look in his eye. “I just got a call from my landlord. Turns out the exterminators just got to my place to fumigate, and he wanted to apologize for the delay.”

“Oh, wow. Happy, I didn’t know you had a pest problem.”

“I apparently I have a giant pest problem,” Happy growled. “You know what else? He told me my ant problem was being taken care of, courtesy of Anthony Stark.” Tony chuckled, ruefully. “Why are you taking care of a nonexistent ant problem, Tony?”

Tony waggled his finger and clicked his tongue. “Now, Happy, these are professionals. If they saw an ant, they saw an ant. It’s not like they’d perform the service unnecessarily just to get paid, even if they would be bribed to do so.”

“Tony!” Tony laughed outright at Happy’s tone. “Goddammit, May and Peter are supposed to be there in two and a half hours. _I’m_ supposed to be there in two and a half hours! And how the hell did you get the exterminators to come in on a _Sunday?_ ”

“Happy, this is New York. If you can’t find a 24/7 _anything_ , you’re doing something wrong. Then again, I _do_ only choose the best—”

“Tony, I swear to God—”

“Alright, calm down,” Tony made a placating gesture with one hand and grabbed his coffee cup with the other, then took a sip. “I really want to meet her Happy. Now, I’m going to.”

“They. Are. In. _Queens._ The Avenger’s Tower is not suitable for people to go in and out of, right now, and you don’t have your penthouse anymore. They certainly aren’t expecting you at their apartment. How the hell do you propose dinner? Because they’re normal people, Tony. With normal income. They would not like many of the places you go to eat.”

“What about Burger King?”

“Not even the kid likes Burger King.” Happy clenched and unclenched his fists. He may have been lying. It’s not like he asked the kid about his fast food preferences, but he had a point to make.

“Well, never you fear my friend, for we do not have to go to them. They are coming to us,” Tony said, taking a triumphant slurp of coffee.

Happy raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Really. How?”

“I had someone pick them up. They’re already on their way.”

“No. No way. May wouldn’t have just gotten into a stranger’s car, especially not with Peter in tow. She knows I would have sent her a message, first.”

“Well, technically, you did,” Tony hedged.

“Did I?”

“Yeah. It came from the driver, who happens to be a very trustworthy individual that is hard to say no to.”

“Tony. Who is the driver?” Tony hummed, taking another sip of coffee. "Tony!"

* * *

“Wow, Captain Rogers, this is so cool! Do you live here? Like, all the time? Oh man, I can’t believe this facility—”

Happy pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance before taking a deep breath and entering the foyer with Tony, listening to Peter’s chipper dialog and trying very hard not to roll his eyes.

Steve. Tony sent _Steve._

Why _wouldn’t_ Tony send Steve?

He was Captain America, for God’s sake. Of course they would go with him—they knew Happy worked directly with Tony Stark, an Avenger, so it was not impossible for Happy to have sent Steve. Hell, it was freaking plausible. If Happy were busy with work or errands or anything, he could ask Steve and the man would probably say yes in a heartbeat. He was just. That. _Nice._

It almost made Happy want to grind his teeth.

“Happy!” May called, walking in front of Peter and Steve to kiss him on the cheek. Happy smiled softly at her, before returning his face to his usual scowl at Tony’s snicker. May turned to the billionaire and raised an indifferent eyebrow at him. “Hello,” she said cordially. It looked like she did _not_ like her first impression of him.

Peter wandered up too, standing behind May and staring at Tony with wide eyes. Happy cleared his throat and Peter snapped his head towards him, offering a tentative smile. “Um, hi Mr. Happy,” Tony snickered again, causing Peter to wince a little, shifting his eyes to Tony briefly as a blush covered his face. Happy could feel the cool anger radiating from May’s form. Someone tried to poke her baby with a stick, and Mama-bear was coming out.

“Wow, Hap. This woman is beautiful. Introduce us,” Tony said, clapping his hands together. Happy opened his mouth and Tony cut him off. “Nope, too slow. Hello, I’m Tony,” he said extending his hand out. May slowly offered her hand in return, allowing him to shake it before withdrawing, offering her name in turn. “May, I have heard so much about you. I have to say though; you seem so young to be an aunt. I can’t even believe it. Can you believe it?” the turned to Peter with a raised eyebrow. Peter blinked and opened his mouth once or twice, looking between May and Tony. Happy would laugh if the situation weren’t so uncomfortable.

“Yes, well, we do come in all shapes and sizes,” May interjected with a slight smile on her face. This was her angry smile. Her _listen-here-buddy-I-come-from-a-long-line-of-proud-Italian-women-who-are-not-afraid-to-take-your-bullshit-AND-I-was-raised-in-the-Bronx-so-watch-it_ smile. Happy nearly shivered seeing it. He had been on the receiving end of that smile once and promised himself _never again._ Tony, however, remained clueless.

“Come on, May, I’ve been dying to ask you how this whole thing even happened,” Tony said, grabbing May’s arm and giving Happy a wink. Happy did roll his eyes at that, before giving May a nod of encouragement. Tony was definitely larger than life, and his personality was the opposite of quiet and dignified. May glanced back with a shake of her head, clearly asking what the _fu—_ what was going on. Happy shrugged at her in return. Steve walked up to them and clasped a friendly hand on Peter’s shoulder, causing the boy’s blush to deepen while a pleased smile appeared on his face. Happy felt a little twist in his gut at that. It was some sort of combination of a flutter and a sucker punch.

Must be indigestion from all the stress.

“Well, Happy, I have to say I really am liking these new additions to the Compound. May is quite a dame.” Peter winced at Captain America’s words. He probably knew exactly what May would say at being called a dame. “I’m glad you decided to bring them up so we could meet them.”

Happy stared at Steve for a moment in shock. “I’m sorry, you’re joining us, too?” Happy already knew Pepper would be there, but the rest of them? They’d scare the Parkers off before they even got a chance to participate in the conversation.

Steve laughed but there was a confused wrinkle in his brow. “Well, yes. Me, Rhodes, Bruce, and if we’re lucky, Thor will drop by,” he said. “I’ll meet you two in the dining room,” he added. He gave Happy a significant look, gesturing back to Peter and giving the chauffer a subtle thumbs up. It looked like the kid made a positive impression on the Avenger. Steve followed the same path that Tony led May along, leaving the hall.

Peter and Happy stood across from each other, Happy stock still while Peter looked past him, eyes following the superhero as he disappeared from sight. He looked somewhat discouraged. Happy cleared his throat.

“Cap likes you. Not sure what you talked about, but he seems to think you’re alright,” he said brusquely, hoping to put his mind at ease.

Peter shrugged. “We just talked about some stuff—you know, old Brooklyn versus new Brooklyn, how Queens is the best borough, that kind of thing.” Happy laughed at the sarcastic smirk the kid was sporting. It disappeared sooner than Happy liked though, and he felt a similar twisting sensation in his abdomen to before, except this time it was closer to his heart.

“What’s on your mind, kid?” he asked, pulling Peter’s attention to him once more. Peter shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

“Nothing. I just—I guess that’s not how I expected to meet Iron Man, you know? Like, I thought I’d at _least_ get the chance to say my name,” he mumbled, shrugging a little and dropping his hand. Happy found himself frowning at his friend’s behavior—again. “You know, he actually saved my life once?” Peter said into the quiet of the hall. His eyes were faraway as he told the story. “Like, _literally_ saved my life. It was at the Stark Expo. You know, the last one Justin Hammer was a part of? With the crazy destructo bots?” Happy nodded. Tony saved a lot of people that night. “Right. Well, I was there. It was the second night I went, and I remember I was standing in this courtyard and there was one of those robots right in front of me, but I was wearing my Iron Man mask, so I thought I had superpowers or something.”

Happy knew this story. After everything was over that night, Tony was leaning against the counter in the kitchen at the tower, a glass of scotch in his hand—despite the fact that he had just sworn off alcohol altogether—as he told Happy how he saved a child from being decimated, and he wouldn’t have had to if the kid didn’t want to be like him.

“He said, ‘Nice work, kid,’ before he flew off. I was ten,” there was still a little awe in his voice, colored by disappointment. Happy nodded in understanding.

“Never meet your heroes.”

“Huh?”

Happy shrugged. “It’s an old saying. “Never meet your heroes, because they’re sure to disappoint you.”

“No-no-no Mr. H-happy, I’m not—” Peter stuttered, but Happy cut him off with a wave of his hand.

“Don’t worry, kid. This happens. Tony’s great. He’s one of my best friends. He hired me when I had practically nothing right after my glory days in the ring were over. I owe him a thousand times over, and he’s never gonna collect,” Happy said. Peter smiled a little. “But the guy is about as emotionally and socially aware as a freaking iguana. He sees the big picture more than anything else, and he’s really an ends and means kind of guy. That doesn’t make him a bad person, and it shouldn’t make you think less of him. This is just a reminder that he’s human, like the rest of us.” He sniggered a bit, “I’ll tell you what, though. He definitely remembers you. Doesn’t let a day go by that he forgets that kid from the Expo.”

Peter’s cheeks pinkened again and he offered Happy a small, pleased smile, “Thanks, Mr. Happy.”

“Kid,” Happy said, leading Peter down the hall, “you’ve got to drop the Mister. I’m starting to get a complex, over here.”

* * *

Steve was on point for the guestlist this evening. Rhodey had arrived timely, bringing wine ( _“Actually from a French vineyard, thank you very much. You remember that ambassador?” he said with a grin, winking at Tony_ ) to the party. Thor appeared in a flash of bright light and sound of thunder (Happy snorted at his entrance. The guy was such a showoff). Bruce was fiddling around in the labs and was nearly late because he was distracted by his work. Happy thought Peter would have an aneurysm when the scientist entered the dining room and sat next to him. He was ready to soothe Peter’s worries about being so close to the Hulk when Peter excitedly introduced himself and expressed his admiration for all of Dr. Banner’s work, especially the groundbreaking research he did for the effects of gamma radiation.

May had failed to mention her kid was a giant nerd.

Granted, the Star Wars stories and the science pun tee-shirts should have been enough, but _still._

Tony and Pepper sat at opposite ends of the table in true, formal dinner party fashion. Their guests did not behave the same way. Happy and May sat next to each other closer at the middle of the table, across from Peter, who sat between Thor and Bruce. The kid looked like he was experiencing a dream come true. He would look up (way up) at Thor, smile, blush, then turn his head down when Thor laughed and shot a wink at him, then he’d turn back to Bruce to talk science, making the man almost as flustered and shy as the teenager. Steve sat next to May and Rhodey sat next to Thor. They all exchanged conversation rather pleasantly until the first course arrived. Happy glanced at May, watching her brows furrow when looking at the size of the _amuse-bouche_ she was about to eat.

“It’s kind of a pre-appetizer,” he mumbled softly. May nodded and slipped the seared scallop on her fork, then took a careful deliberate bite. She chewed thoughtfully for a moment, then smiled in appreciation.

“It’s very good,” she said after she swallowed. Happy found himself relaxing despite the chaos that led them here. Soon the staff came to clear the plates, one hovering by Peter, who still had his fork clenched in his hand. May raised an eyebrow at her nephew. “Kiddo? I think he needs the fork.”

Peter stared at her with wide eyes for a minute. “It seems like such a waste though, right? I mean, who needs—I have five forks.” Happy chanced a glance at Tony, who had eyes on the kid with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, yeah. It’s a six-course meal. You need all five forks and one spoon.” Peter swiveled his head quickly at being acknowledged by Tony, then winced at the reasoning behind it.

“Oh, right. Yeah. I guess I’m not used to stuff that’s so fancy,” he said, fork hovering over the plate. He stared between his hand and his aunt for a moment, and suddenly May began to hum something oddly familiar. Happy couldn’t place where he had heard the song before.

“Oh, is that from Cinderella?” Pepper asked, folding her hands under her chin. “I love that song,” she sighed, closing her eyes and listening to May sing. There was a light clatter—Peter’s fork against the plate—and May stopped as soon as the plates were cleared. A new course was brought out. Happy grinned when he saw it was Potato and Leek soup. It had been a favorite of Happy’s ever since he first tried it. He was glad Tony had Marco make it tonight. The idle chatter returned and Happy spoke with May about random things, lips twitching whenever he managed to make her smile or laugh. He chanced a glance at Peter, who was turning red at something Bruce was saying while the man was gesturing to the kid’s spoon. Happy resisted laughing at the kid, almost certain the man was telling him that even though he had two spoons he would need to give that one to the server who collected his bowl.

They made it through soup and the appetizer without incident, but Happy was on edge. He was waiting for Tony to start grilling May. He knew the ulterior motive. He knew Tony was going to see if she met his standards and fit in amongst their rag-tag group of supers. He knew Tony wanted to test her ability to handle them. The man finally chose to strike when the appetizer course was cleared.

“So May, tell me, how did you two meet? Happy has yet to give me the story,” Tony said, sipping his wine. Most of the others were distracted by the turn of conversation and decided to tune in—Rhodey with an eyeroll, Steve with a smile and little headshake, but Thor continued telling “young Peter,” about his battles at Jotunheim, and Peter was rapt with attention. Happy couldn’t blame him. Frost giants were pretty epic, and what teenager wants to listen to some shmoopy story about how his aunt met her boyfriend?

“We met at a coffee shop,” May allowed smiling softly at Happy, who returned it. Tony rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but Pepper cut him off.

“That sounds lovely, May,” the redhead said with a gentle smile. She eyed Tony and raised an eyebrow, and Happy restrained himself from snickering at her _Tony, behave,_ face. Thank God for Pepper Potts. “A little odd, though. Happy makes his own; he usually doesn’t frequent cafes.”

May chuckled. “Actually, he was running an errand for Mr. Stark,” she replied.

“Tony,” Tony corrected. May shrugged, rather unconcerned for his preference. Pepper picked up her glass to take a drink of her wine.

“Apparently he had to try this vegan latte that had bacon in it.”

Pepper paused, wineglass halfway to her lips. She lowered it and raised her eyebrow. “A vegan bacon latte?” she asked flatly. May nodded. “How can that be vegan?”

“Then—” Thor raised his voice, drawing the attention of the rest of their dinner party, “the beast swung a vine at my feet, and I had dropped Mjolnir in my haste to avoid the venomous sap that coated the monster. It was the toughest weed I had ever faced in battle,” he declared, solemnly. Happy nearly spit out his drink. “It was!” he said, noticing everyone’s disbelieving expressions. He turned back to Peter, his only supporter at the moment. The kid stared up at him with wide, wondering eyes, mouth half open. “It was taller than ten men,” he said in a hushed voice, “and it’s thorns were the size of—very large thorns!” he concluded, swinging his arm out and knocking a metal pitcher of water towards the teenager. Peter’s hand snapped out and caught the jug before even a drop of water could slosh out, setting it back on it’s base without even batting an eye. Rhodey dropped the fork he was playing with, and Steve’s eyebrows tried to disappear into his hairline. Tony narrowed his eyebrows, a confused expression forming on his face.

“Then what happened?” Peter asked in awe, his hand still on the pitcher.

“How did you do that?” Happy spluttered.

Thor laughed. “It was a challenge, but I faced him head on like I do all my foes, Happy. It takes courage and strength, and I have both in abundance. It was a trial, but I defeated him,” he finished, oblivious to what just happened.

“Not you!” Rhodey said, staring at Peter, curiously. “The kid.”

Peter swung his face to him, alarmed. “Me?”

“Yes, you!” Rhodey said with a puzzled expression. “You just caught that pitcher without even _looking_ at it.”

Peter blinked a moment, then turned his attention to his hand, still resting on the metal surface. “Uh… I have good reflexes?” The table was so quiet, Happy was almost certain he could hear the crickets outside chirping. Just then, the servers appeared with the next course.

“Oh, salad! This looks delicious,” May said, looking from her plate to Peter and raising an eyebrow. Peter looked down at his own plate and up at May, hopelessly lost. “Now young man, I expect you to eat your vegetables. Kids can be so stubborn about this sort of thing,” she said to Rhodey, who still was staring at Peter, perplexed. “Don’t you think, James?”

She ignored Tony muttering about how Rhodey got to be called by _his_ first name.

Rhodey startled at the sudden question. “Oh, uh, I suppose so, ma’am. My niece doesn’t usually have a problem, but she’s pretty mature for her age.”

“Oh, you have a niece? Tell me about her,” May gushed, stabbing her fork into the greens.

Soon the incident was—not forgotten, but tabled. Ignored maybe, and conversation slowly started around the table again.

Finally, dinner appeared. Happy would have wiped his brow, but he knew it would show his nerves, and he wanted to avoid Tony needling him in front of this woman. She had a tongue like a whip when she wanted, and Tony was lucky he hadn’t given her an adequate opening yet. Happy was pleased to see his friend decided on lamb for the main. He hadn’t had this dish in _ages,_ and it was one of Marco’s specialties.

“Does this smell weird to anyone else?” Peter asked, sniffing the meat on his fork before setting it back down on his face, wincing a little. Happy sighed. Kids just didn’t understand good food anymore. Peter ate everything else without question (even the dreaded salad), almost ravenously—like he hadn’t eaten all day. Which was odd, because May was such a mother hen, Happy couldn’t imagine her letting Peter forget a meal.

“It’s lamb, kid,” Tony said, taking a bite. May looked up at the billionaire, startled. “If you’re not used to it, it can smell weird, but trust me, it’s great.” Happy noticed a red blush starting to creep up the kid’s neck before he dropped his head, lifting his fork towards his mouth.

“Don’t eat that, Peter!” May shouted suddenly, startling everyone at the table. Peter’s head snapped up, mouth open and ready for the now-offensive bite of meat. He lowered his again, eyes wide and questioning. “Mr. Stark, what was used to prepare this?”

Tony blinked at her. “Uh… lamb?”

“No, what herbs?” May snapped, dropping her own fork.

“I… don’t know? I can ask Marco,” he said, a little alarmed at May’s wary expression. He snapped for a server to speak to him, and the man moved quickly to the kitchen, soon reappearing with Marco in tow. Marco looked both angry and startled at the same time. He was probably rushing to finish dessert.

“Yes, sir?” he asked, impatiently.

“Hey, how’d you do the lamb this time, Marco?”

“Is it not to your liking, sir?” Oh, the chef had that look. That angry, irritated look that said, _don’t question my abilities, you fast-food eating swine._

“Can you please just tell me the ingredients?” May begged, anger giving way to nervousness. Happy rubbed a soothing hand in circles on her back.

Marco sighed. “Well, lamb, obviously. It was slow roasted with olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, peppermint—” Peter dropped his fork altogether and it clattered loudly against his plate.

“Oh,” Peter said, softly, frowning a little. Marco raised an eyebrow. May sighed.

“Peter is allergic to peppermint,” she said, quietly. Comprehension dawned on everyone. “He gets very ill if he eats it.”

“My deepest apologies madam, young sir,” Marco bowed his head, irritation slowly fading. “I am afraid I was unaware and did not prepare anything else for a main course.”

“It’s okay, Mr. Marco,” Peter said. “I mean, we’ve uh, we’ve already had a lot of food. Missing one course is okay.” Except it probably wasn’t. Happy had been keeping an eye on the kid, and he was positive he was still hungry, despite all the food they ate—hardly any of which had much protein. Peter was keeping a brave face though, so he followed suit. May frowned but didn’t say anything. After Marco was dismissed, taking Peter’s plate with him, the rest of the table slowly started picking at their food. Happy’s delight at seeing the meal had vanished and guilt took its place.

“So, May, do you cook? I have to say, I didn’t know peppermint was used for lamb,” Bruce said, taking a bite and trying to start conversation again.

May laughed a little. “Oh, heaven’s no.”

Peter snorted. “Can’t even make toast,” he said with a grin. She grinned back.

“It’s true. But I watch Food Network a lot, so,” she trailed off, shrugging a little.

“Wait,” Steve said, a little wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows. “Peter, did you… did you smell the mint in your food?” Everyone turned to look at the teenager, who shrugged, helplessly. “I can’t smell it at all. I just smell lamb and garlic.”

“I… have a sensitive sense of smell. I guess,” Peter said, fiddling with his dessert spoon. “Besides, it didn’t actually smell minty. Just… weird. Mr. Stark was probably right; I’m just not used to it.” It seemed that having the attention of five Avengers, a CEO, a bodyguard, and his aunt was a bit overwhelming for the kid. “Can we talk about something else?” he asked, a little desperately.

  
So they did. They talked about normal things. Riding the subway. How crowded downtown got during Thanksgiving. Online shopping. Dessert was about to be served and the lamb incident had fallen by the wayside. Happy finally relaxed. Even May was smiling at Tony more genuinely, now. Most of the occupants ignored Peter altogether, Thor and Bruce being the exceptions. Eventually the conversation turned to a project Tony and Bruce were working on, involving some rather volatile chemicals.

“Wouldn’t adding nitroglycerin at that stage destabilize the compound?” Peter asked, curiously, finally managing to find enough courage to talk directly to his hero.

Tony scoffed. “Kid, this is a little over your head. How about we have Point Break tell you more bedtime stories while the adults keep talking.” May straightened her spine and locked such an intense look on Tony, Happy was surprised he didn’t burst into flames. He felt a little anger himself. He knew Tony was a genius, and he usually had to see someone else’s work in abundance before taking said person’s opinions seriously, and he especially knew the man didn’t have the first clue when it came to talking with kids. However, that didn’t quell the slow boiling going on in his stomach at the quick snub the man delivered. Peter looked down at his plate, face red again. He leaned over to Thor and whispered something, then the man pointed behind him, gesturing towards a corridor. Peter quietly excused himself and headed in the direction of a bathroom Happy knew was nearby, while Tony carried on his conversation with Bruce by himself, not noticing the awkward quiet that descended the table. As soon as Peter was out of sight, May slammed her hands on the table, standing up so suddenly her chair tipped back. Happy managed to catch it and right it before it fell to the floor.

“How dare you,” she hissed, incensed. Tony stared at her with a bewildered look on his face. “How _dare_ you! First, you drag us two hours away from home—and don’t you dare tell me it’s because of that mishap with the exterminator. Happy would have told me directly, instead of sending Captain America in a town car! That may have dazzled my nephew, but those tricks don’t work on me.” Happy stared at her, somewhat in wonder. “You belittle me, whether it’s because I’m a woman or working class, or maybe the fact that you’re just ignorant in the way that only a one-percenter can be, I don’t know. You take over what was supposed to be a private, family affair so my boyfriend can get to know my kid and turn it into this party, and to top it all off, you break my kid’s heart?” Tony looked over at Rhodey, who shrugged and shook his head, saying without words that May had a point. “You are his _hero._ His hero! He worships you! All he wants to be is Tony Stark! You are literally the most amazing person in the world to him, because the things that get him picked on in school are things that you are not only rewarded for, but what made you famous, and that was something you had _way_ before Iron Man came along. It gives him some kind of hope for life after high school, which is possibly the worst time at the worst age of anybody’s life. Then he finally gets to meet you, completely unprepared, totally by surprise, and you _belittle_ him? Because he dared to question an experiment of yours? Because he finally showed you he has a working brain that isn’t wrapped up in the kind of degree-toting, money-riddled coating you wanted?” Her voice raised to alarming levels and Happy could see her trembling slightly.

“I—”

“You need to apologize to my kid, or so help me God—”

“Okay, calm down,” Tony tried to placate her with words and gestures.

_“Don’t tell me to calm down!”_ she hissed. Happy stood up and placed a hand against her shoulder blade.

“We’ll go, May.”

“What? Happy, come on—” Tony said, shocked. Pepper sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. May turned to Happy and he could see she was barely holding back tears. Pepper stood up.

“May, I’ll walk you to the foyer,” she said, a small, sad look in her eyes. “Happy, go ahead and pull your car around—”

“I’ll do that after I grab Peter, Pep,” he said. He nodded at May when she shot him a questioning glance, encouraging her to leave with Pepper. Once they left, he turned and stared at Tony with a stoic expression.

“What?” Tony asked, still surprised. “What just happened?”

“Tones,” Rhodey said, wincing and shaking his head again as Steve stared at the man with a disbelieving expression.

“No, seriously. What’d I say? Was I wrong? That kid is in high school, how the hell could he even follow that—”

“Tony,” Bruce sighed, “Peter’s been talking to me about my publications all night. He has a really good grasp of my material. To be honest, if his circumstances were different, he might even already be in college.”

Tony raised both his eyebrows. He hadn’t been paying too much attention to the attendees beyond teasing May and Happy.

“My tales are hardly ‘bedtime stories,’” Thor said, twisting a butter knife between his fingers. “They’re a bit too violent to put young ones to bed, especially Midguardian children.”

“Thor, come on,” Tony said, shaking his head, laughing in disbelief.

“Also, he was absolutely right about the nitroglycerin. I’ve been telling you over and over again that we have to add it at a later stage. You’re not a chemist, Tony. You’re brilliant, but you’re not a chemist.”

“Boss,” Happy interjected. Tony closed his mouth and stared at Happy, waiting for some kind of explanation that really only Pepper could provide. “Look, this was all a bit much, okay? And it was a big deal,” Happy sighed. “I’ve only met Peter one time, and the circumstances weren’t ideal. We were testing the waters with this. That’s her kid. She raised him and loves him more than anything. She would die for that kid, and she wants us to be comfortable with each other. I’m pretty sure she’d drop me like a hot coal if Peter didn’t like me. I know you just want to get to know her because you’re my friend, but I wish you would have let that happen on my terms.”

Tony stared at Happy for a moment, almost helplessly, before straightening up and nodding a little, cool façade slipping back into place. “Okay then.”

“Tony.”

“I’ll back off,” Tony said, waving him away. “Go get the kid and take them home. I’ll figure out a way to make it up to you.” Happy’s lips tightened and he shook his head a little, walking away from the man before he said something that would probably get him fired. Happy forgot, sometimes, that Tony was from a different world.

He came down the hallway, stopping at the bathroom door which was slightly opened. He could see through the crack that Peter was leaning over the sink, hands braced against the counter and head down. He sighed before he gathered himself up and pushed the door open. The creak was loud and sudden in this quiet part of the house. Happy didn’t realize the hinges needed to be oiled. He looked towards the hinges as he came in. “Hey, kid—” he began, swiveling back towards Peter, only to find the kid wasn’t right in front of the sink anymore. A small shadow had appeared on the floor where he was standing. Happy slowly turned his head up, mouth gaping open in surprise.

Peter was crouched on all fours on the ceiling, upside down, and staring at Happy in absolute terror. His fingertips gripped the flat plane above him, and balls of his feet were pressed against the surface in such a way it looked like Peter could tip toe out of there. Peter blinked his wide brown eyes at him and opened and closed his mouth, at a loss for what to say.

“What?” Happy said in a flat tone of voice. “What?”

“Um… hi, Mr. Hap—I mean, Happy,” Peter stumbled over his words, releasing a hand to wave at him. Happy stepped forward with his hands up, suddenly gripped by an irrational fear the kid would fall. Is it so irrational? He’s hanging on the ceiling by his apparently sticky fingers and toes.

_Sticky._

“Oh my God. Oh my God,” Happy said, shaking his head. Peter stared down at him, speechless. “You’re… you’re the Spider. Jesus, _you’re the Spider!_ ” Happy said, pointing in shock. Peter flipped himself back down on the floor and held up his hands in a pacifying gesture.

“Shh, shh, please be quiet, Happy, please,” Peter begged, looking frantically over the man’s shoulder towards the open door. Happy turned around and pushed the door shut behind him. He faced Peter again.

“What the hell is this?” he asked, panic subsiding. “Does May know?” but of course she knew. He stuck to his fork and she hummed a lullaby. He caught something with lightening quick reflexes, and she deflected. Also, Happy could have sworn spiders had an aversion to peppermint.

Oh, _shit,_ was this kid actually part spider?

Did he produce his own webbing?

_Gross._

“I—”

“How did you do that?” Happy pointed to Peter, then the ceiling, then back to Peter.

“Well, I—”

“The Spider has been active for almost a year. Jesus Christ, you’re only fourteen!” Happy hissed, flattening his hair with his hands.

“It’s Spider-Man,” Peter corrected, sullenly, “and I’m fifteen.”

“Oh, yeah. Because _that_ makes it better,” Happy growled, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. “How did this even happen?” he dropped his hands and took in Peter’s face. His eyes were a little red, and his lip trembled slightly, but he stood straight and didn’t look away from Happy. Happy sighed, fight going out of him at the look on the kid’s face. “May knows, doesn’t she,” it wasn’t a question. After a beat, Peter nodded.

Happy squeezed his eyes shut tightly before nodding once and opening the door. “Come on, kid.”

“What? Wait, where are we going? You can’t tell them, Happy, please. If they know who I am I won’t be allowed to help people anymore!” Peter panicked, backing against the sink. “Please, Happy? Please? They already think I’m too young for normal things, like science projects and understanding weird equations and dinner parties; this is way more intense. They won’t—please don’t tell,” Peter dropped his face towards the floor, trembling a little.

Happy shook his head. “Kid—Pete—come on. I’m not… I won’t tell anyone yet. I can’t promise anything, but for now, your secret is safe,” he said as gently as he could. Peter lifted his head, and Happy saw a tear slip out of his eye that was hastily wiped away. The boy slowly took a shuddering breath.

“Okay,” he whispered. “Now what?”

Happy pulled open the bathroom door and gestured for Peter to follow him. “I’m taking you and your aunt home,” he said, starting down the hallway. Peter caught up quickly.

“Why?” he asked, startled.

“Because Tony is an ass and he made May very angry.”

Peter raised both his eyebrows at Happy’s candor. “Oh,” he blushed a little. “Yeah, May can get a little, uh, hotheaded, I guess. Ben used to say he could be a nice guy to anyone when he was with her because she was the fiery one,” he laughed a little. Happy gave him a tiny smile, pressing a hand against the kid’s shoulder blade to guide him to the foyer.

“We’re not done talking about this,” he said, firmly. Peter nodded, looking somewhat dejected. “I want to know how and when this happened, what you can do, and who knows. Quite frankly, kid, this is not something I feel comfortable keeping from Tony. I need some pretty good reasons for why I should.”

“…Because you’d be my best friend forever?” Peter attempted to joke, making little jazz hands. Happy stared at him blandly. Peter sighed. “Okay.”

“First, I’m going to take you and your aunt somewhere to get you a proper dinner. I get the feeling enhanced metabolism is part of this weird—spider-thing you have,” he said, pausing outside the entrance to the front hall. Peter’s stomach growled right at that moment, and he nodded, sheepishly. Happy sighed, gesturing with his hand for Peter to go ahead of him, wondering what the hell he got himself into.

_A teenage, superpowered vigilante. How is this my life?_

He saw May’s red eyes seeking his own, and the watery smile she gave Happy as she hugged Peter close to her made his heart clench and flutter at the same time.

_Worth it._

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Writing Facts:  
> 1\. Remember that episode of Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations when he went to San Francisco and drank the "vegan bacon latte" that was really, _really_ not vegan? Like, it was actually made with reduced pork fat and refined bacon powder? So, you know, animal products? Yeah. That. ;-)
> 
> 2\. Happy's background is actually pretty vague, but most well known boxers had a rough childhood, so that kind of was what inspired his little slice of life he describes to May.
> 
> 3\. The thing where May's phone died when she was on a date and Peter was worried about her? I'm sure I read that before. Different outcome, different characters, different lot of things, but the phone dying specifically? So kudos to whoever came up with that!
> 
> 4\. I just like meddlesome Tony. ;-)
> 
> 5\. Originally, Thor was going to talk about his battles with either random frost giants, or Surtur, or something like that. But the other day, my kid was out in the yard, whacking away at weeds because I have an awful landlord who can't get his shit together, and one of these suckers was about as tall as me. When he came in to tell his Daddy what he was doing, he said, "I was fighting the big weed. It was the toughest weed I ever battled." Inspiration from six-year-olds. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed. Please leave me a comment and/or Kudos if you do!
> 
> I like me some prompts. Hit me up at my tumblr if you have a request (or here in the comments. I'm pretty chill), or if you want to talk about any of my fics [@hanuko.](https://hanuko.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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